a political diversion
from the desk of: karl rove
to: donalrd rumsfeld
1 november, 2006
pay very close attention to what i'm about to say, don't just toss this in the shredder with all those other memos you've received these past few years, especially those security breifings from the pentagon!
it's looking like it's going to be a squeaker this time and we're going to need a fall guy if it doesn't fall our way. dick's gonna blow another gasket on his pacemaker but w says it's your turn to fall on your sword. over your dead body, i believe you said the last time i mentioned it, but if it comes to that don't think for a moment i won't call in a few markers.
if the people want change they won't take a token. you can be damn sure the democrats have already been working the backroom and your name is at the top of their hit list. no scandals this time, we're not going to give them the satisfaction of dragging anyone through the mud. i'd start gathering evidence to destroy now.
you've seen what can happen, you remember nixon's generals, you were there. what was that, six years you were underground before reagan could reinstall you in the cabinet? we're talking two years here, two years for the party of andrew jackass to take the heat for your -- uh, our -- failures in iraq, letting us sweep back into office on '08 to "clean up their mess".
here's the deal: push comes to shove and we have to send you out on your ear we'll set you up. i'll get the RNC to siphon off some campagin funds to form an "exploratory commission" to establish our battle plan for the next election. the chair is yours, you pick the team, stay in the shadows, and we'll play keep-away from the dems in the house and the senate. you draw up the plans and we'll march once we figure out who the next figurehead's gonna be (i'm thinking santorum or allen, unless they blow it. ha ha!).
understand, no missteps. if the GOP goes down on tuesday i want you resignation on w's desk within 24 hours or i call in the special team. don't even thing of looking for dick for help -- i've got him in an undisclosed location and when he's conscious, no matter which way things go, it'll be too late for him to say anything.
as always, i've made sure this memo is on edible paper. i'm trying a new flavor this month: crow. better then that shit you've been using.